It’s always happy hour when Patti and Pottymouth talk baseball. Over the course of their almost two-decade friendship, they’ve watched many a game over many a beer, yelling at the screen or the field, but never at each other. Growing up with this model of civil society, their respective daughters have learned to love or at least tolerate the sport, and swear like sailors. Patti and Pottymouth are passionate about baseball and the guys who play it, celebrate the good, the great, and the surprising, and unleash righteous indignation whenever necessary. They might even teach you some fun facts, some history, and some math and science along the way. Sometimes Pottymouth sings. Sometimes Patti lies with exact figures. What’s not to like about two women of a certain age, with reading glasses, and strong opinions about baseball?
Meet Patti and The Pottymouth
Patti grew up in Cleveland, where she learned to say, “Just wait until next year” before she could walk. Her love for the sports underdog was so keenly developed that when she heard Mr. Smith say “lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for,” she thought he was talking about the Indians. The Indians broke her heart year after year, but provided her with her first baseball boyfriend, Omar Vizquel. After moving to Washington, DC, she married a third baseman (defense is sexy!), and then gave birth to one. Her daughter is named for Camden Yards, home of the Baltimore Orioles. Lucky for the kid that she was born before baseball’s return to DC, or she might have been called “Natitude.”
Pottymouth developed her love of baseball, and the language she uses to describe it, in the bleachers of Fenway Park. Growing up as a Red Sox fan in the Dark Ages, she lived the “There’s always next year!” motto throughout her formative baseball-watching years. She learned from her first baseball boyfriend, Carlton Fisk, that if you just wave strong enough, the ball will stay fair. After the birth of her daughter in 2001, the 2004 Red Sox World Series championship was the 2nd most hopeful and transformative event of her life. As a transplant to the D.C. area, Pottymouth has slowly warmed up to the Nationals as her B-team, and is a proud season ticket holder this year. Pottymouth is married to another life-long diehard Red Sox fan who lovingly tolerates her tendency to shout profanities at the screen during televised games.
Patti and Pottymouth us the word “boyfriend” as shorthand for players who exemplify what they most love about the sport. A baseball boyfriend has mad skills, a passion and joy about playing the game, and a little something extra -- maybe a sense of humor, maybe a backstory that tugs at heartstrings, maybe a dedication to social justice, maybe a great smile, good hair, dance moves or two different colored-eyes… As examples, Patti offers her one true current baseball boyfriend, National’s third baseman Anthony Rendon. Come. On. Pottymouth sees that hot corner and raises you one Red Sox outfielder, Mookie “Pookie” Betts. See how this works?